Farmers' Market Day.

Well now, it's been awhile hasn't it?  I knew that would happen.  I'm terrible at keeping up with things.  Ehh...oh well.  I only started this to write down stuff for myself anyway.

So...I went to the farmers' market this morning like always.  My Saturday morning ritual.  My "me time".  I get up way too early for a weekend, drive 35 minutes, buy my fruit and veggies, sometimes some eggs and/or cheese which takes me all of 20 minutes and then drive another 35 minutes home.  Why?  Cause I get the BEST produce ever!  And I'm supporting my local farmers.  :D  I am in love with Blooming Glen Farm. That's my first stop every Saturday morning.  Here's today's haul:

4 cucumbers, 5 onions, 2 yellow squash, 2 zucchini, 2 Japanese eggplants, a bunch of spinach and 2 pints of strawberries.  The only thing that didn't come from Blooming Glen were the strawberries.  Those are from Shadybrook. They're hydroponic.  Maybe this week I'll actually get to eat some of them.  Last week Maddie got into them and next thing I know she's covered in red and the berries are GONE! I got exactly 2.  I'm hiding them this week.  :)  I gotta say the price is right too.  All that only cost me $22.  Yeah, ok, maybe I could spend less at the grocery store, but this is all fresh picked, organic and local.  I know where it's from and it hasn't traveled cross country or even international to get here.  Most of this is going to be roasted and used in a quinoa salad(thanks to Jenn for the inspiration.) The cucumbers and some tomatoes from last week will be used in a tabouleh type salad.  Yummy.  Hopefully I will remember to take pics and post them.  Later taters!  I'm off to have some fun with some very cool people!      

Transfer addictions and trying to find my way again.

I'm baaaaaack!  I know it's been awhile.  Life got crazy and I just really didn't have the time, energy or anything to talk about.  But I have a few things I can write about today and something I want to get off my chest.  I'll start with the day to day and finish up with the big "whammy".  It's taken me awhile to gather the courage to post the last part of this.  I'll tell you now this is going to be a long 'un.    

I spent several weeks cleaning my house and then preparing for my daughter's last week of school which included class snack, end of school picnic and then her birthday party.  So I had to plan and shop for 3 different events in the same week.  Then the picnic ended up getting rained out.  :(  Boo!

So this week, life has sorta gotten back to normal.  My daughter is done school for the summer though. So that throws things for a bit of a loop.  But it's mostly normal.

Next step is to get my butt back into an exercise routine again.  Gonna be tricky with the little one home.  My gym has a babysitting service I can use, but only from 9am-1pm and 5pm-8pm and there's a 2 hour limit.  In the evening, everybody and their uncle is there and the mornings just go by so fast, it's hard to get there.  Ugh.  I am going to have to just do it.

I am also back to meal planning.  I got out of the habit with being so busy with school.  I know some folks plan day to day, but I'm focusing on week to week.  I'm staying as low carb as I can each day, so I may have to make modifications as needed.  The problem I have is that I cook for the family.  I don't want, nor do I have time, to cook for me separate from my husband and daughter.  I usually have to modify for my daughter, or make something different if I've made spicy food for her, so 3 different meals?  I don't think so.  So I plan to make 3 dinners per week.  I make enough to have the same thing at least twice.  This week's plan included zucchini boats, chicken piccata(hubby's request) and chicken chile verde.  I made the zucchini boats Tuesday and we finished them last night.  Tonight's plan was originally the piccata but it felt more like a chile night with the weather, so chile it is.  It's on the stove as I type.  I just have to add the beans at about 4:45 and make some brown rice.  I'll probably make some grilled nuggets and some veggies w/ ranch for my daughter as the chile gets a bit spicy because of the green chiles.  I'll make the piccata tomorrow night with whole grain angel-hair and a salad.    

On a completely different note, next week, June 19th, is my one year "surgiversary".  The day I got my second chance.  So I have my appointment with my surgeon.  Oh boy.  I haven't lost anywhere near the amount of weight I'd wanted, nor that I think my doctor wants.  I've been struggling with this whole thing recently.  Struggling with emotions, feelings of inadequacy, depression, body image, etc.
One thing I have discovered, without question, is my addictive personality.  I didn't think I had one.  I mean, I know I loved food and I loved to eat.  Hi, I had to have bariatric surgery to help me quit eating so much.  I figured that was my problem, I just ate a LOT!  Not because I had to but because I wanted to and just didn't have the willpower to stop. As I have been reflecting on things, I've realized that I was addicted, not just to eating, but more so, to overeating.  I ate to deal with emotions, because I never had the tools to cope otherwise.  The more I ate to deal, the more I needed to eat.  Now I'm back to dealing with issues and I physically can't overeat.  So I tried to use exercise, didn't work nearly as well.  It worked while I was doing it, because I was so caught up in hating the exercise that I forgot about what I needed to deal with.  And after I was done, gee look, feelings and problems are still there to deal with.  I still don't have the skills to cope.  So I tried prayer.  Still working on that, but getting there.  If you've been following me, you know I was recently "saved" and became a believer and follower of Christ.  If not, well now you know.  I took the next step in that journey and on June 2nd, I was baptized.  I have put my faith in Christ and I know he will help me through this.  It's hard, because for the last 30+ years, I've relied on the "other" trinity: me, myself and I.  Now, I have to learn that I can rely on the Father, Son and Holy Spirit as well.  That is what is helping me write the next part of this post.    

I am ashamed to admit, that as a 34 year old wife and mother, I don't know how to cope.  So what did I do?  TA DA!  Transfer addiction.  There I admitted it.  I transfered my overeating addiction to something else.  So what am I now addicted to? Shopping? Gambling? Exercise? Porn? Drugs? No, nope, uh-uh, uh...no, nope.  Can you guess?

C'mon, I know you have to have some idea now.

Did you guess alcohol?  Bingo!  Alcohol.  Go figure.  UGH!!!!   I realized it the other night.  I've always been the "occasional glass of wine in the evening" or a "few drinks with friends or the hubby on the weekend or date night" type.  Never really had a hankering for it, could go weeks or months between drinks, no issues not having any during my pregnancy.  The last few months, I began looking forward to my one evening a week glass of wine a bit too much.  I thought it was school driving me crazy.  My one glass became two, which became 3.  That led to 2 evenings, then 3.  The night I went through an entire bottle in one sitting should have set the alarms off.  But I didn't drink again for a while.  So I figured it was no big deal.  Then I bought a few more bottles of wine to have on hand, "just in case".  Another red flag.  But I was too busy "dealing" with my problems to notice what was really happening.  But it hit me upside the head the other night.  We were out at dinner, and I had a drink.  I figured I'd been working hard and had been running around like a crazy person, so I could have one.  "Just one," I thought.  I finished it and the buzz hit hard and fast, as usual.  As soon as it started to wear off, the wanting another started.  I figured I'd wait it out, but it only got worse.  It got to the point that I had to leave the restaurant.  I had to sit outside while my husband and daughter finished their dinner and packed up the leftovers and paid the check.  I couldn't be inside looking at the bar.  I was physically shaking.  I was able to push past it and not give in, this time.  But what happens next time?  If I'm alone?  I don't have my husband to stop me?  So, it has to stop.  No more alcohol.  But now what do I do?  I guess I need to figure out how to do this with no "crutch".  I am scared.  This has scared the shit out of me.  So at my appointment, I am going to ask about a good therapist to help me work through these issues.  They are deep seated I know that.  They've been going on since I was a child.  It is not going to be easy, but then nobody said it was going to be.  I will need all the support, love, good vibes and prayers any of you can spare.  I will be praying myself for the strength to get through this and beyond.  Thank you all for listening.

Good night and God bless.

Lauren                   

Really?!?!?! (Advisory: Explicit content ahead)

AARRGGHHH!!!  Sugar detox + PMS = BAD!!!  I know it's water weight but I gained almost all the weight I lost last week back and it's killing me!!!  I want to cry.  Ok, I did cry.

What is wrong with me?

Why can't I do this?

I had this damn surgery to lose this weight once and for all and I can't even do THIS right!!!!!  This was supposed to help me lose the weight and I've been stuck for months!

Will I ever be able to do something RIGHT in my life?!?!?!

Oh, and I am definitely NOT winning any mother of the year awards, I've been a cranky bitch for a week, and I'm a horrible housekeeper, so there goes the wife of the year award and I've been cleaning the hell outta my house for 3 weeks and it doesn't look like I've done a blasted thing!  I just want to bring in a backhoe and a dumpster.  I hate cleaning!!!!!

Ok end of rant.  Maybe things will be better tomorrow.

Pray for me.  I'm gonna need it.

God bless.

Day 3 and a belated introduction

So as day 3 draws to a close, I figured I'd put my update out there.  Not much y'all don't know at this point so no sense in rehashing.  After 2 full days of detox, I am down 5lbs.  I still feel pretty crappy, but it's getting better.

Today's food stats:
Calories: 866
Total carbs: 31g
Protein: 81g
Fiber: 15g
And: a whopping 7g of sugar!
Water: 80oz

So today I took the little one to Sesame Place after I picked her up from school.  It was hot and I didn't think sitting inside and staring at each other for a few hours would be too fun.  Especially when I'm still a touch cranky.  So instead we spent two hours going on water slides and having some fun in the sun.  Maddie conquered her fear and went down the small body slides all by herself.  I am so proud of her.  She told me she was scared but was going to try anyway.  She's awesome.  Love her to pieces.

Anyway, here I am posting about this sugar detox thing and I haven't properly introduced myself.  Hi, I'm Lauren.  I am 34 years old.  I am a wife and a mom to Maddie who is 4 years old, turns 5 in July.  I am currently attending Temple University where I am majoring in Spanish Education.  I am slated to graduate in May 2014.  On June 19, 2013 I will celebrate my one year "surgi-versary".  On June 19, 2012, I had bariatric, weight loss, surgery (WLS).  Specifically, I had a vertical sleeve gastrectomy aka VSG or sleeve.  As of today I am again 70lbs down.  I was bouncing between 75 & 80lbs down, but couldn't get any further and then went back up a few pounds.  Hence the sugar detox/kick in the @$$.  I decided I didn't want to go to my one year post-op appointment only having lost 65lbs.  I got the sugar detox idea from a friend's blog, Holly @ 300poundsdown.  You can find her here.  She is truly an inspiration and I "met" her at the perfect time.  See, I've never actually met Holly, I only know her from Facebook and her blog.  I found her through a friend from another online support group.  The thing is, it doesn't matter that I've never physically met her.  Her stories and her struggles and her victories are just as inspiring.  I consider her a friend.  

I say I met her at the perfect time.  The time God chose for us to cross paths.  See, here's another journey that I've embarked on, the journey with Jesus Christ.  I'm not going to get preachy here, trust me.  This is just my story.  I had started going to church with a friend, our daughters are friends too and mine "wanted to go to Sunday school with 'S'".  Really it was because my daughter wanted to go.  I just had to sit through the service.  Something happened the first day, and I felt like the pastor was talking to me.  It was exactly what I needed to hear at that moment in time.  I felt compelled to go back the next week, and the next.  It seemed like the message was exactly what I needed to hear when I needed it.  I began praying, something I'd never done before and after 34 years of being a nonbeliever, I knew I needed something more.  I became a believer.  I am now a follower of Jesus.  Shortly after this I "met" Holly, who is also a Christian.  Coincidence, some might say.  I would have a few months ago.  Not anymore.  God brings people into our lives for a reason and at the time we need them.  He knew I needed to see and hear the stories of others who hurt and struggle and fail.  But that those people who put their faith in Him will prevail.  "For nothing is impossible with God." Luke 1:37.  I had started to struggle horribly with my weight loss journey.  I have had amazing support at home and online, since the beginning, but was still missing some piece of the puzzle.  I believe Holly is the missing piece.  She has helped, and probably doesn't even know how much.  I could never fully give up control, I just couldn't seem to let it go and give it over to God.  She has shown me how.  I can finish this journey now.  I have help, spiritually, emotionally and physically.  I have family, friends, and God.

Goodnight and God bless.  

Day 2....

Oh my goodness!  What have I gotten myself into?  I think I started off too strong on the H2O.  I drank 96oz of water yesterday and was running to the bathroom every 30-45 minutes!  That was in addition to the 4 shakes I drank.  Yikes!  I thought I was going to be sick from the amount of fluid I drinking.  I literally had to drink every waking moment to get it all in.  Too much.

So, today, I changed things around a bit.  I was shooting for the 64oz of water plus 4 shakes.  That's 108oz of liquid right there.  I figured I'd go for that and if I got more water than the 64oz, great. If not, well, I got 64oz, right?

So anyway, I, at this point, it's now 10:20pm, have gotten in 72oz of water plus 4 shakes plus a large coffee to which I added my morning shake.  Not bad.  I did make a pitcher of homemade strawberry lime infused water this morning which is what I've been drinking all day.  Yummy!!!  

My dinner was my "solid food" meal.  I went for variety. 3oz of meat: roast beef, pastrami & turkey breast, 2oz of cheese and a few kalamata olives.  Grand totals for the day: 888 calories, 31g carbs, 79g protein, and a whopping 8g of sugar!

So I started this yesterday and when I was logging my food on MyFitnessPal I realized my weight on there was wrong.  I've been 10lbs off and didn't even realize it.  Oops.  I fixed it.  Didn't like it, but I fixed it.  On the upside, I weighed myself yesterday morning before I started this whole crazy thing and this morning I'd lost 2.5lbs.  So I have some motivation to keep me going through the crappy feeling.  The headache has been wicked and today I started getting the shakes and the sweating.  Yay!!  I thought it was just the heat but even when I was inside in the AC I was sweating and feeling crappy.  I am also not exactly a pleasant person all the time right now.  Ok...I'm a bitch right now.  :)  But.....it will get better, I know that for a fact.  I just have to ride it out through tomorrow and then I should be fine by Friday.  I will keep you posted!

H2O update @ 11:25pm I have added 16oz for a total of 88oz.  :)  Go me!  Yes it's taken me an hour to write this little tiny blog but as I've said before: I'm NOT a writer.  Can't stand it.  But I needed to have somewhere to vent, so here it is.  I was going to do videos but I never have the peace and quiet I would need to do them.  I may still do an occasional video, but I guess I'm just going to have to write for the most part.

I forgot to add in yesterday's post that I hope everyone had a lovely Memorial Day weekend and at least remembered our military men and women, past, present & future, for a few moments in all the picnics, BBQs, parades and fun times.  I know it's about the military, but I do also take some time to remember the police officers, firefighters and other rescue personnel who put and have put their lives on the line every day, especially those who gave their lives to protect others.  I pray for their families as well as I know how hard it is to love someone in one of those professions.  I spent my morning and early afternoon in the Bridesburg section of Philadelphia at the parade and my husband's grandparents house.  The later afternoon and evening hours were spent going to visit my father's and both grandfathers' gravesites.  My father was a Vietnam veteran and a police officer, both grandfathers were WWII, all were in the Army.  I didn't know I could cry that much.  I left it all at my dad's grave.  It's been 12 years and I still lose it every time I go.

I think that's about it for tonight.  Thanks for reading and I'll post again tomorrow if anyone's interested.

Goodnight and God bless!

Sugar detox Day 1

Ok.  So day 1 of sugar detox is almost over.  I have a headache, I'm grouchy.  I though this wasn't supposed to happen until day 3 or 4?!?!?!  I swear I've been drinking something all day.  If not a shake, water.  Other than my dinner, which was some chicken, a string cheese, kohlrabi and radishes.

So what am I doing?  I am doing the same method that Holly at 300 Pounds Down uses.  Really easy to do.  Every 2-3 hours I drink an Atkins RTD shake and then I eat one low carb, as close to no sugar as I can get, meal.  Of course I am also doing my usual workouts too.  This is not going to be easy.  But than again, nobody said any of this post-VSG was going to be easy.

So anyway, if day 1 is this bad, what do days 2-7 have in store?  Oh joy, I can't wait.  I do know that I can do this, I know I will struggle but I can get through it.  I will look on the positive side and I will pray for guidance and that God helps me as He sees fit because with God, nothing is impossible.        

It's time for bed now.  I get to start all over again tomorrow.   God bless you and be with you tonight.  Goodnight, all.
  

Test

This is a test.  This is only a test.  I'm curious to see what happens when I post this.  I repeat: this is only a test.

So I'm not really a writer.  In fact, I hate writing.  I thought about a video blog instead, but I never have peace and quiet to record videos.  Plus, I hate the way I look in videos.  I just wanted somewhere to write my thoughts, ideas, recipes, complaints, etc.  There is really not going to be any rhyme or reason to anything posted here, if and when I post.  There will be no regularity either.  I'll post when I can, when I remember, when I have something to say.  I don't expect anyone to read this either.

This blog is a work in progress.  I will add and rearrange stuff as I go.  Again, I'm saying this as if anyone is actually going to read this thing.

Well, we shall see.  Goodnight!